The Skill of Knowing When to Listen

What’s the most underrated life skill?

Knowing when to listen.

Not waiting for your turn to speak.

Not listening while quietly composing the clever thing you’re going to say next.

Actually listening.

It sounds terribly simple, doesn’t it?

And yet, goodness me, we’re not particularly good at it.

We’re often so busy preparing our response that we miss what the other person is actually telling us.

Sometimes people don’t even want an answer.

They want somebody to hear them.

I’ve learned that there is a rather enormous difference between helping somebody and trying to fix somebody.

If a friend tells me they’ve had a dreadful day, I don’t necessarily need to produce a five-point plan for improving their life.

Sometimes the most useful thing I can say is:

“That sounds bloody awful. Do you want a cup of tea?”

And then shut up.

Darling, that last part is the difficult bit.

Listening also means being willing to hear something you don’t agree with.

That’s where it gets interesting.

It’s very easy to listen when somebody is confirming everything we already believe.

The real skill is staying at the table when somebody sees things differently.

You don’t have to agree.

You don’t even have to change your mind.

But you can listen long enough to understand why they see it that way.

And occasionally, you might discover something.

Perhaps even something about yourself.

I think there’s another part to it, too.

Learning to listen to yourself.

That little voice that says you’re exhausted.

That instinct telling you something doesn’t feel right.

That quiet realisation that you’ve been saying yes when you really mean no.

We spend so much time listening to everybody else that sometimes we forget we’re allowed to hear ourselves.

So perhaps listening is more than a communication skill.

Perhaps it’s a way of paying attention to life.

Listen to people.

Listen to what they’re actually saying.

Listen to what they’re not saying.

Listen to yourself.

And when somebody trusts you enough to tell you something difficult?

Don’t immediately reach for the answer.

Put the kettle on.

Pull up a chair.

And listen.

You’d be amazed how often that’s enough.

Stay Fabulous,
Luce 💋