Which relationship has taught you the most about yourself?
Good heavens, where does one begin?
I’ve known people who taught me how to laugh, people who taught me how to dance, and a few who taught me precisely what sort of behaviour I should never put up with again.
You see, darling, it’s remarkably easy to become the person you think somebody else wants you to be.
You soften your opinions here, hold back a little laughter there, and perhaps pretend to enjoy something simply because the person across the table does.
Before you know it, you’re spending so much time making yourself comfortable for somebody else that you’ve forgotten to ask whether you’re comfortable yourself.
And I’ve done that. More than once, I suspect.
But the people who’ve taught me the most are those who never asked me to make myself smaller to fit into their world.
The ones who could disagree with me without making it personal. Who could laugh at my little eccentricities without making me feel foolish. Who understood that I could be a little old-fashioned one moment, thoroughly ridiculous the next, and still be the same woman.
They taught me something rather important.
Being accepted isn’t the same as being approved of.
Approval can depend on whether somebody likes what you’re doing today. Acceptance leaves room for you to be a complicated human being, with all your contradictions, changing opinions, and occasional spectacular misjudgements.
And perhaps the greatest lesson has been learning that I can offer the same acceptance in return.
I don’t have to agree with somebody to treat them with kindness. I don’t have to understand every choice they’ve made to respect their right to make it.
And I certainly don’t have to abandon my own boundaries to prove that I care.
That’s something relationships have taught me, too. Kindness doesn’t mean keeping every door open, and loving people doesn’t require you to lose yourself in the process.
Sometimes the most honest thing you can say is, ”I care about you, but this isn’t something I can accept.”
And sometimes the people who matter most are the ones who can hear that without deciding you’ve stopped caring altogether.
So, which relationship has taught me the most about myself?
Perhaps it’s the collection of all those friendships, family ties, dance partners, and unexpected encounters that have shown me who I am when I don’t have to perform for anybody.
The people who let me be Luce, in all my glorious nonsense, and still pull up a chair beside me.
Because I’ve learned that the right people don’t write your story for you, darling.
They give you the courage to write it in your own handwriting.
And if you’re fortunate, they’ll be there to laugh, dance, and turn the page with you.
Stay Fabulous,
Luce 💋
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